Coming to Terms with My Life

This one is for us: The ones who have known joy and laughter, pain and tears and have found the end a bit cruel, yet we wouldn’t have “missed the dance.”

The year 2022 has been one that’s hard to decide whether to remember or forget. But we are toward the end of it, and on to the next, 2023. Looking forward I have a different take than I might have thought earlier I would. With the extreme polarization of our country, and looming crisis in the world, I’ve swung like a pendulum in my outlook. But this day with the midterm elections not totally tallied; no semblance of peace and stability anywhere; I find my mind and spirit God-inspired and hopeful by trusting in Him and His Word. My only goal for the coming year is to have each day be new and fresh with the expectancy of a child in my heart that God is in control and available to each and every one of us who depend on the Holy Spirit for guidance each day.

This year started with health issues that were mixed but all seemingly physical. But recently a major shift that requires me to focus on my mental health which is causing a need for me to share my experience with other Baby Boomers who might be going through similar challenges of a disappearing memory. Although I have had some awareness things would progress after I was diagnosed in 2020 with Stage I Alzheimer Disease and prescribed twice a day Nemenda (mementine) to treat it.

As many of you who know me know: my husband has a traumatic brain injury and I’ve been caring for him since 2011. Now, it seems he has to remind me about taking my medications. I actually think he likes to do it when he can. We are the proverbial “blind leading the blind” at times. You may think at the age of 71 I can expect memory loss, and with the stresses of today people much younger also suffer. And yet I have expected this for years since my mother died at the age of 87 suffering from Alzheimer’s at the time.

As I’m writing this I’m feeling confident I can make it through expressing the hope, peace and joy I still have and hope to always have. My mother did until the end. In fact, she died laughing. You can read her story about Alzheimer’s I wrote a few years ago. It was my experience with her.

It was a time of healing a distressed mother-daughter relationship even though she thought I was my deceased sister during that time. It was a major time of spiritual growth of which I have gone through many and welcome the Lord to take me through whatever He needs to in order to be who he intended me to be.

I chose today to write this today because I have not been able to concentrate and focus and understand what has been happening to me until now. A few days ago I had an episode of severe confusion for about 3 hours where I could not do tasks on my computer or phone because the blank spaces seemed to be congealing together and I had to rest for a day or two before I realized I hadn’t been about to have a stroke. I was having exacerbation of Alzheimer’s.

But God has blessed me with someone who lives close I can confide in who is like a daughter to me and my twenty year neighbor, Tina, has been an anchor for me. We know so well that Jesus put us together for a reason: so we could help each other through those days we needed encouragement and reminding that the Lord loves us always and will never fail us. Her birthday is the same date as my oldest child, Scott, September 27,who died in 1999 . And the year of her of her birth is the same as my daughter who lives in Gainesville, Florida, 1970.

If you or someone you know is suffering from this disease there is hope, more and more every day, that a cure will be found. For the sake of all, especially my descendants, I pray that it is sooner than later. I’m going to try to embrace these coming days, months and years that God has granted me and pray my connection with the Holy Spirit guides me each and every day. I owe my salvation to Jesus my Lord and the shepherd, Billy Graham since 1964.

For my own benefit and those who might want to know me better than you already to, I’m going to publish some pictures of me through the years:

Phyllis Rogers 11-13-2022 God Bless us all.

Roth Poetry

DSC_0348 (2)

These five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Acceptance turns to nostalgia

as I turn 75 tomorrow

Another year added to a long

interesting life

There is a sense of grief at this age

looking back and looking forward

Grief for the loss of what once was

realizing change is inevitable

Watching the next generation

moving on without you

Knowing someday, they too

will look back wishing

they had asked more questions

of the living

The future is a bit unsettling as

control may be forfeited

to someone else’s care

I pray that will not happen

I have wrestled with God

Argued with him threatened him

and been angry with him

At this point in life I have made

my peace with God and eternity

Some things are better left unknown

The subtle losses seem to hurt the most

There is anger at…

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